Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
