is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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