I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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