I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
