I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
