I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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