have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
where are my eyebrows?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
