So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
