Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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