hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
