I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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