he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
