forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
