Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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