and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
