I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
