I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
