I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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