my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
as a side note pls kill me
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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