he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize