Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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