evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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