he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
