He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
