need another drink. this is the easiest way
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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