Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
