Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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