the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
