I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
