Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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