Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
