Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
