Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
