I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
