I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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