apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize