Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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