I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
