That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
