The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
