That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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