You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
