can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
you never un-have a 4some
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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