its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Less talking, more tequila
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
