Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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