it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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