Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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