Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
