1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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