Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize