My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
