Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
