I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
