I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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