She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
