Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
