NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
