i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
