the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize