Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm at about main and main street
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
