Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
