i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I have feelings that need drinking.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
