So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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