I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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