we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
