Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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