i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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