brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
