He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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