Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
