I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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