finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
