so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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