Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
