I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
