Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
