My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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