I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
