my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
