my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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