i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
How external is "for external use only"?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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