I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
