he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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