sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
