i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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