update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
