We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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