Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
