I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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