Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
