last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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