i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
