I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
