I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
