What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
