ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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